ruminations and headphone rants

It's surprising, but during exam time i actually feel like blogging more.

I was studying MNO (management organisation) and was provoked to stop work and start thinking about who i really was, who i've formed up to be (as of today). As i was going through the blogs, reading some last posts and reflecting over my past, i realised how much i've changed, some for the better, and disappointingly, for worse.

i remember being far more motivated in poly. Perhaps it was because there was less pressure there. Perhaps it was because the people in NUS are so freaking smart. Perhaps it was because i was doing design. Or maybe i've just gotten tired along the way. I read how much people learnt in class, and i felt as though i just didn't learn as much as i could have.

CS3216 brought back some life to me, but not all of it. I remember putting in so so much into the first project.. wanting to bring back to life my passion to just chiong for what i believed in. But by the end of the first project, i was exhausted. I didn't want to care anymore. Chiong so hard for what? No one else seemed to be chionging. Khoa was a huge encouragement. With him around, it felt like i wasn't alone. But it was so tired.

I carried that same sentiment with me to my WPF project. I'm sorry guys. I really shouldn't have. I was so tired of working for nothing, i just 'stopped my engine'. While Janus tried desperately to get the team working, we simply took our time to start up. Perhaps it was the individualistic way which i used to work in poly, or perhaps the way things turned out in the first project, but i lost a vital part in me - the ability to trust in my teammates. Thanks janus. I remember when you told me that 'we were a team', and it's ok because where i lacked, they would cover, it really struck me that i no longer believed in the rest of the team.

I was reading through my MNO notes, and MNO really slaps you in the face and tells you "hey, you really lack these qualities if you want to be a leader and team player". And yes, it makes me lose faith in myself. I need so many people to patch up the holes where i can't make it, but it seems as though i've got to first learn to learn to trust these same people. Forgive me, friends and teammates (and future friends and teammates as well), for my short temperedness, my overbearing assertiveness, and the distance that i unwittingly place in between us at times. To be really honest, when i'm being super assertive/disappointed that we didn't hit a certain standard, it's really because i believe that you guys have the ability to do more. And i'm just frustrated that i'm unable to bring out those qualities in you. It's something that i wish and hope i could learn. And i'm sorry for the extra pressure that i placed on [especially the wpf] team, the lack of tolerance, and the inability to trust.

It was really superb working with you guys (i don't think u'll see this, but ah, heck). Janus, Youming, Minh and of course Khoa, i had the most unforgettable experience working with 4 geniuses in their field. I hope to, in the future, have the chance to keep working with you guys someday, and i hope that you guys will tolerate and help me mature. I've still lots to learn!

Meanwhile, i need to find back that passion and those dreams... i still want to build an arty farty world after all....

On a lighter note, i've been looking for headphones! rants: WHY ARE HEADPHONES WITH GREAT SOUND SO SO UGLY?!?! i mean, what's with these designer guys?? can't they just design comfy and nice looking headphones with GREAT SOUND?? even good sound would cut it for me (considering i'm not gonna use it for studio music that much)... and those with great sound and look more decent are in the mid 500s!!! it's nuts!! *hates them* haha.. I mean, compare the two below!! One has nice sound, the other just looks better. DESIGN SELLS MAN!!! but i'm still gonna get one with decent sound lah.. gonna run down to adelphi someday to try it out. Anyone wanna headphone hunt too? :P Or headphone spree? hahahaaha..

Exam Inspiration

And so after reading mannie's blog about her cadet torturing days (sounds somewhat like prof ben!! :P), I decided to find and post up this short inspirational clip about going through hell and high water... and coming out alive :) It just takes 6+ minutes, and you'll be raring to chiong for the exams thereafter..

Enjoy!

From Facing the Giants


and ooh yes, thanks guys for nominating my blog.. it's an honour!! haha.. it was fun blogging - the last time i blogged was when i was in China on exchange, where my blog was meant to help others know i was still alive :P and so i thought blogging was out of my life.. before this class made it mandatory. Thanks evil prof!

The Last Lecture

I'm BACK!!! erm, well, at least for one more post and (hopefully) many pictures of our after exam fun :P

Despite the obiang coloured background, the huge text and the 'not working' screen, the last lecture by Prof Ben was probably the best lecture ever available in NUS. Not that we haven't been learning about it all sem. CS3216 has been stirring up what was dormant (or not so active) in many of us. It has stirred up our passion, our want to dream, our want to try, our want to succeed. And when we were in despair, or felt that we wanted more sleep (and might have given up if this were our own business venture), prof ben offered us grades. hahaha.. so we continued to fight on for our dreams (or grades, for some :P).

I've been blessed with many wonderful profs this sem (i mean, what are the odds of that??), and one of them is prof ben. Unconventional, *cough*evil*cough*, always pushing, always seeking for more. Always trying to bring out that latent potential in all of us. And so, his teaching philosophy stands as trying to provide the best possible environment for us to learn. That, of course, meant pizza/atas chicken rice lunches, tekaning Kok Wee (poor guy!!) and all the other TAs, and making a heck lot of phonecalls and buying more lunches to get people and friends to come down to NUS to talk to small fry like us. So, despite all the evil in prof ben, and despite me always being super vocal and always calling prof ben evil, i'd just like to say a huge "thank you". Thank you, for going the extra mile to earn your pay, for settling for nothing more than our best effort, for all the free food that you've provided, for all the times that you sent me back, for all the time you've taken to talk to each one of us, for all the effort you've taken in trying to reach out to us on a personal level, for recognising all of our (latent) potential and not giving up on us, and for making CS3216 a class that (i believe) will be burned into my mind as one of the best and most torturing classes in my entire NUS life. :P

To my other classmates - wow! We've really come a long way, haven't we? We've all picked up lots of things this sem. (i personally never knew i could do even a spark of graphic design) It's a pity that, because we were in groups, i only got to know a small portion of the class on a more personal level. But to the few of you whom i've gotten to know better, to people who have given me contructive feedback (which i really appreciate!), to the people who have made this class so much more interesting - Thank you. And i will miss you all (even the one who said i got sha qi). And this class has so much potential, i know i'll probably hear about most of you from the papers or from friends in the future, making big money or simply changing the world in your own way. Thank you, for being part of my little life for one semester. It's been great knowing you all, and i hope to keep in touch!!

Two lessons truly struck me:
1. The LOVE OF money is the root of all evil.

It's true when they say that 'money is never enough', because for some, the number of zeros in their bank determines how sucessful they are. (btw my bank has only one zero :P) It's how they quantify their success. But so many things in life can't be bought with money, and you can lose so much more valuable things in your quest for money, it's just not worth it. And while many of the people who came for the talk said that money is their driving force behind their success, must a business only be successful if it earns money? Can't the success of their business be quantified in terms of other factors, like the lives that it touched, the passion that it raised, the spark that created a flaming fire? Because if you were to only quantify a success in terms of money, then what prof ben would be doing is unsuccessful (cos he earns less pay than he could, and loses money when buying us lunches). But, to me, CS3216 is a success. It taught us small fries more than we could have learnt in any other module.

2. PRIDE
People Rest, I Do Extra.
It's true. It really is. Pride in your work - to go the extra mile even if you think that no one's noticing. There might be no rewards, even a crap grade at the end of the day, but deep in you, there's this satisfaction because you know that you've done your best, you've slogged your heart out, and are proud of your work. People say that your best is never enough, but if you don't give your best to begin with, then the battle is already lost.


Another lecturer showed me this video -


Haha, go watch it! :P But i've sure whatever we've learnt here this sem can't be replicated in 5 minutes. To friends who want to join CS3216 in the future, I'd tell them that "it's all about fluff". But to actually know what CS3216 teaches - you've got to experience it for yourself, because each person's experience was different. And how much you get out of this kind of class is how much YOU want to put into it. Many of us kinda sold our souls for this class this sem, spent long days in COM1 or engin cramming out code (poor khoa has been coding till his fingers have almost dropped off), and i've learnt stuff that i'd always wanted to do, but never got around to doing (like talking to sponsors, doing lots of PR, creating lots of fluff that has substance haha).

So to people who are reading this blog wondering if they should take up this module, i say GO FOR IT!! You'll have the experience of a lifetime (and crappy grades for the rest of your modules :P)!

~Peaceout!